On Action
Today is day five in the remote barrens of Iceland. I’ve never been somewhere as peaceful as this. On my first day, our hosts took me around the town, showing me everything and talking. We met the local artists, spoke a lot of Icelandic, and I took a lot of pictures. The second day was much of the same. However, I’ve been extremely sick up until now and could hardly speak. Because of that, most of my time here has been spent in my room which is not so bad given that I’m free to do whatever I want: mostly rest and work on my art. I tried writing, but I can’t. That’s just how it goes sometimes (oftentimes).
Yesterday, my friend taught me how to ride a bike. I attempted once before, but I didn’t get too far. My “lesson” ended up being a 20km ride to the neighboring town and back. I only crashed twice and broke off my headlight. It was a fun experience, though I’m incredibly sore today — probably another day in my room.
There was a job listing that caught my attention today: work at a photography store. I applied immediately, and it inspired today’s thoughts. I actually applied for this very position a few months ago and got no response. This time, I’m hopeful. Not expectant, just hopeful.
Watching my life flourish before my own eyes is a very surreal experience. It’s full of ups and downs, as always, but it’s moving along quite well. I was thinking about what life would be like if I worked in a store like that one. In my mind, it’s a very happy picture — surrounded by camera gear and photographers all day. It would be a dream. I wrote before about my current job. As much as I love the people, the work is a waking nightmare most days. Something new would be welcomed. Especially an Icelandic-speaking environment (though that very fact most likely means an Icelander will be chosen).
Building a life requires a lot of failure. I’m hosting an event in this town on the 15th, and I’m realizing that most likely, nobody will come. My past two poetry events at the bookstore also had no people. The key is that I don’t really care. As long as everyone has a good time — as long as I have a good time — nothing matters. Nothing ever matters. Movement is the only thing that does. I’m tired of Icelandic? I study Russian. I’m can’t write? I take photos. I’m overwhelmed by work? I call in sick and read or write or whatever else. The point is to always be in motion. Of course you can take a day off and rest, but life should never be about relaxing, it should be about living. At some point, the act of living should be relaxing or restful. I know too many people who fall into the trap of spending their days doing nothing at all. Not just resting or relaxing, but nothing.
A day off becomes a day wasted when there’s nothing else going on otherwise. Simple things like walking, tending a garden, reading, or cooking can all be productive. What’s important is life at large. Who are the people in your life? Not everyone requires a massive support network, but I argue that other people are our humanity. Our very human nature begs community. Hence why I so often write about the need for us to either find or create our own communities. The starting point for this — for everything — is self-reflection.
If there is ever a day you are unhappy, the most important thing you can ever do in your life is ask yourself the question why. Why are you unhappy that day? Identify the external factors. Identify the internal factors. Then, think about what you would want. What do you think would make things different? What is feasible? Where can you begin?
I had an interesting dream two nights ago. There was a new man hired to an upper position in my company. He seemed very neutral, so I had no fear in simply telling some coworkers, right in front of him, that none of us cared about the job and couldn’t be bothered to be productive. I then told him about some drama that had taken place (in reality) and why I felt the way I did. He listened very patiently, then explained that if I made the effort to speak to my supervisors and explain my thoughts and feelings to the relevant people, then I can change everything. Which raises the thought: why don’t I just go talk to everyone about these things? I have tried before, of course, but only in passing; never a serious effort. My entire workplace is going through massive changes while I’m away, so who knows what I’ll return to. But maybe this is my wakeup call to take more action of my own. For my own sake.
In other news, my new camera continues to amaze me. I’ve discovered a new editing technique which I’m having a lot of fun experimenting with. I had a wonderful and inspiring conversation with one of the artists here about art and literature. I’ve obtained keys to half of the town for some reason. And I have not yet discovered the meaning of life, but there are still ten days to go.