How to Live: You’ll Die Eventually
I wrote a blog post yesterday, but I was interrupted in the middle. I started writing another, but it didn’t quite express what I wanted to. So I deleted both of them. It’s a frustrating feeling to have this urge to say something — to express something — yet not be able to. The past few days have been interesting. The short version of what I wanted to say is that I’ve started an Icelandic learning group that meets tomorrow. Everyone is interested, my first group with too many people interested. Thus, I’ve discovered a niche that needs to be filled: engaging Icelandic lessons…
Why I Write a Blog
I got a talking-to today at work. I won’t be surprised if I’m fired soon. The topic of my blog came up, related to the cheating incident: my blog has been “discovered.” It was unrelated to the talk I received, but I write about my life. Work is part of my life; naturally, I spend a lot of time there. I never really have anything good to say about it. The short version of the talk is that I’m probably not the right type of person for the job after some recent changes. I’ve been working there for 14 months, and I estimate that I have the second-highest number of hours worked out of all the employees; I worked a number of months around 200 hours before going part-time. 14 months, so many hours, and I’ve never once had a problem at work. Yet here I am…
People
I finished reading Boyhood by J. M. Coetzee yesterday. I started reading this after “the wisest man in Iceland” recommended another book by the author: Youth. Upon learning this was part of a sequence of books, I started with the first one. When I finished, I decided it was finally time to update my book review page. Going through the few books I’ve read since the last update in November was interesting. Similarly, I’ve taken the past few days off work where I watched season seven of Black Mirror and season two of The Rehearsal. Normally, I wouldn’t specify these books or shows, but the timing and subject matter all stand out to me…
The End of a Chapter
I would divide my life into three distinct chapters, the third one starting just today. The first lasted until I was 23 and made the decision to move to Iceland. During that period of my life, I was destined to become a professor. I spent my days with all the same friends doing all the same things, enthusiastically pursuing anything and everything interesting in the world of computers. From high school to undergrad to grad school: I thought I knew what I wanted. But when I made it to the very end, I had a harsh realization in my PhD advisor’s voice: This will be your future. Only then did I realize this was, in fact, not what I wanted. In my panic, I proposed idea after idea of what I could do. They were shut down because they were artistic ideas, not scientific…
Being Someone
There’s someone connected to my social circle who is young and unendingly passionate about being someone — being someone in the sense of wealth and grandeur. There’s nothing wrong with what he’s doing or his views, rather it got me thinking. Just now, my wonderful host from the small town came to visit me in Reykjavík with a mountain of Icelandic books from her collection. She’s letting me borrow them for a year or two: the complete collections of Halldór Laxness and Gunnar Gunnarsson. She came inside, and we spoke a little, all in Icelandic. She also brought two other books as gifts and some prints of photos she took of me at my event…
People and the World
It was confirmed today that my boss cheated on my friend with another coworker. They were together for six years. I don’t feel comfortable with that — with him. My company removed the HR manager. They made my boss also the entire HR department, as in, he does literally everything. Who can I tell that I’m uncomfortable, then? It’s quite frustrating that people like this exist. I already knew he couldn’t care less about me or anyone else in the company as people. We’ve begged for the simplest of things to ease our burdens, but nothing ever happens. But enough complaining about work…
Before Knowledge
Oftentimes, I’ll write in my journal about thoughts or feelings that I am aware will change in a very short amount of time. I write them down — express them in full — then acknowledge the very fact that they will change soon enough. Today is one of those days, at least I certainly hope the thoughts and feelings I have will change soon enough. Nevertheless, I figure this is as good of a time as any to write…
Alone Again
In yet another twist of events, I am left alone in this remote nowhere. Time simply passes: each day, I have no idea how long I’ve actually been here. Of course, the calendar tells me it has been eight days. Have I accomplished anything I wanted to in this time? No. Not really. But that doesn’t bother me — I’m thinking a lot, and that’s all I can ask for. Having the space to think is quite nice. My girlfriend visited briefly with two of her friends visiting the country. Some other friends of mine from the city came today for an even briefer visit. My girlfriend comes again on Tuesday to spend a few more days here. My hosts also return on Wednesday. It’s not like I’m actually alone here, but it’s funny how it all worked out. My friend who was supposed to stay these two weeks left unexpectedly. Now I’m alone with not just one, but two entire houses all to myself…
On Action
Today is day five in the remote barrens of Iceland. I’ve never been somewhere as peaceful as this. On my first day, our hosts took me around the town, showing me everything and talking. We met the local artists, spoke a lot of Icelandic, and I took a lot of pictures. The second day was much of the same. However, I’ve been extremely sick up until now and could hardly speak. Because of that, most of my time here has been spent in my room which is not so bad given that I’m free to do whatever I want: mostly rest and work on my art. I tried writing, but I can’t. That’s just how it goes sometimes (oftentimes)…
Movement
I’ve been trying and trying to write this post for the past few weeks, but every time I begin, something changes. Now, my mom is visiting, and I’m trying to prepare myself for my trip to the countryside early tomorrow morning. I never finished my post. I’ve been trying every chance I get, but it simply doesn’t work out. So, I’ve decided to use the rest of tonight to try again and pack at 5:00 in the morning instead of now…
A Rant: The Passage of Time
As the words, “You don’t have a job,” float through my mind, I think about this world that I’m in: both the one I have built for myself and the one we all live in at large. Someone close said those words to me, I don’t think with the intention of being hurtful, but they were exceptionally hurtful nonetheless. My one-year anniversary at work was a little over a week ago. There’s a lot to say about that…
Full Circle
The ebb and flow of life is as inevitable as the tide itself. Nothing is forever. Such is what makes life exactly that: the opposite of death. My friends have all gone their ways once again. One by one, in a rather short span of time, they have moved on to the new and the different. They aren’t necessarily gone by any means, but distance grows. Though some are, indeed, on their way to “gone.” Similarly, I watch the demise of many other important parts of my life, from my workplace to my writing group. Life happens, and that is that…
I Want to Be an Artist
There is a group that holds monthly poetry readings. Readers are allowed to participate every other month, and I’ve been reading there thus every two months since last November. My artist project hosts similar open mic events biweekly at a bookstore. We announced our next event today at this other event which is always enjoyable to attend. And I’ll be going to yet another open mic to read yet again on Friday. After my writing group at which I will read… yet again. There is an unmatched joy to the shared participation in the world of creating; the world of art…
On Art and Creativity
These past few days, I’ve been inspired to venture back into photography. It began when my friend asked me to do a photoshoot for her which then became two — one in December, one in January. I was inspired enough by actually creating something interesting that I went and spent a little too much money on a rare camera. I chose this camera because it is small and fun: I figured it would inspire me to take more photos by being easier to carry around, even if the quality of the images weren’t as good as my usual, professional camera. In the end, I didn’t use it. It has been three months, and it has been sitting around for the most part…
Profound Humanity
I’ve been on an adventure. This year has already been something extraordinary. It began with my “second” ever romantic situation (with the same person, going exactly the same way) along with the fulfillment of my big art-community project. I bought an apartment. I made new friends, got involved with more groups. And I have simply seen so much so fast, again. But that is not what’s profound. What’s profound is my perspective and experience of everything…
What Am I Doing and How Did I Get Here?
One year ago, I was unemployed. I had only moved into my first rental apartment the previous January. Before that, I was also homeless. My legal address was “undefined” up to then. Now, I’m sitting in my own apartment — that I own — thinking about an event I am hosting tomorrow: the launch of my business. Most people coming are my friends. Even my cofounder is someone I befriended through my writing group. Which was started with my coworkers at a job I made a name for myself within. Obviously, none of my accomplishments were in isolation. There were other people involved. Good people who deserve as much credit as I give myself. However, at this moment, I am thinking about me…
The Things I Can’t Write About
There is much more to my life than what I’m capable of expressing in a blog post. Obviously, there are many little things that comprise my days. And similarly, people, too. I usually only write about people when our interactions are either positive, or I don’t expect to interact with them (meaningfully) ever again. Sometimes, that expectation doesn’t go as planned. I’ve written about someone only to reconnect and learn they actually read what I wrote about them. I never name names or give identifying information, but were you to read an “anonymous” description of something you did (with me, on my own blog), it’s quite straightforward…
I Don’t Know What’s Happening, and That’s Fine
In the past few weeks, my life turned into a firestorm. Changes at my workplace are ruining everything. My projects are moving along in unexpected ways. I decided to look at apartments for the sake of it one day, and I found a miracle of a listing which I am now buying. And my personal life is changing again and again in unexpected ways…
Everything is Possible
I had a rough week. A rough two weeks. I called in sick to work today. I’m going to call in sick tomorrow, too. A few hours ago, I began writing a very different blog post to that effect — about how I was feeling and my thoughts on such things. However, I met with someone from the group that holds the monthly poetry readings I like to attend and read at. Arranging the meeting was very fun: it’s not something I would ever feel the will or comfort to do ordinarily. But I was there last week with my business partner, and I said, “We should ask to meet with him.” So I went up and asked him to meet. And he agreed. To perhaps nobody’s surprise, he was exceptionally nice and open about it. However, my partner, last-minute, couldn’t make it to the meeting we scheduled for today…
Uncertainty, Risk, and the Self
The only certainty in life is the actions we will take. We can say nothing of their outcome. But we can take action. We have control over that. For example, my major goal for this new year is to become fluent in Icelandic. That is a goal, and it will not happen unless I do something about it. So, I’ve been reading my old books. I’ve spent about five hours reading the first one page. I have five pages of notes. And I did learn quite a lot. My action was reading intentionally, taking notes, and committing to making this a habit…