The Eternal Questions

Every time something bad happens in my life, I become overwhelmed for some time by the event itself and the repercussions. However, everything always works out in the end. I’ll never forget my time in Hveragerði two years ago when I felt the worst I ever had, thinking that it was truly impossible for anything to improve. Yet by simply holding onwards with life — even without a plan or direction — life got itself back under control. My last post was about a series of unfortunate events, but the same happened: life redirected its own course.

When my window broke (the roof was installed improperly), I called a carpenter who’s final words were, “I hope you can find a solution.” I contacted the previous owner of my apartment who kindly contacted the new buyer of the remainder of my building and informed him of my roof situation. I was out with a friend, but when I got home, I happened to run into this guy who came up and looked at my apartment. He said he can help me, and he also expressed interest in buying the place. I’ve been thinking of selling it because of how loud it is at nighttime downtown. So, two problems solved.

Meanwhile, I’ve been spending a lot of time with another friend who always inspires me. We have found reinvigorated motivation in our art project and have made a number of exciting future plans. Most importantly, I’ve gained the personal motivation to snap out of my down mood and get stuff done. I applied for various gallery open calls, a writer’s residency, and filled out various other paperwork I’ve needed to get done. I’m not at 100% capacity yet, but we’ve been spending so much time talking about personal growth and people in general that many new questions are on my mind.

Learning requires experience, often “bad” experiences. My misadventures are what have taught me the most in life. I keep wondering how to teach other people, but I’m tempted to conclude that it’s impossible to do anything other than live as an example/role model. I spoke to my friend for hours about what I want to do with my writing, all the ideas I wish to express. I don’t want to preach anything. I simply want to demonstrate life as I see it and want others to see it. We agreed that it’s important to stay true to ourselves but also consider the experience of others. Nevertheless, our personal truths matter and have value.

We experience, we learn, and we thus grow. The big problem, though, is how do we pick ourselves up out of negative situations in order to return to experiencing? I’m fortunate to have a friend I can always trust and count on, but what about those who don’t? In my recent state, I wrote down a few questions which I’m eager to hear everyone’s perspectives on, because I believe they hold the keys to living a proper life.

First is whether we can ever actually understand someone else’s perspective. I say no, I don’t think it’s possible. Hence why I say we can only ever serve as role models to others. We can learn about them, engage with them, find some understanding of them, but we will never be capable of grasping their perspective or how they experience the world. And that inability adds to the richness of our existence, because we can find meaning in seeking others’ perspectives to build a more complete picture of the world. It should make us think and contemplate.

Another idea on my mind is that of joy. I was thinking about how when I’m in a good mood, it’s easy to engage with people, whereas when I’m in a bad mood or there’s something going on, I simply cannot fully engage with others. So, I say that life is possible when joy is present. The question, therefore, is how do we find this joy? I think it comes from internal feelings of meaning and purpose which — at least for me — come from having a sense of belonging through other people. When I feel like it’s me versus the world, I feel like I’m facing an impossible task to simply exist. But when there is at least one other person on my side, absolutely nothing feels impossible.

Ultimately, I find that everything comes back to community. I was wondering whether the modern desire we see strongly for individuals to succeed or “be someone” comes from the removal of traditional belonging within communities. It’s no longer about caring for the community around us. Modern life is about taking care of ourselves and nothing more. Like there is a pressure to succeed or else fail. Our value as individuals often feels tied to things like career, status, or wealth. I say we would be better off finding value in communities, as in, “We are a group, and so long as we have each other, there is nothing more we need.” I found that personally when I was running all my groups and events. Then I lost it all and felt the modern pressure I described.

So, what can we do? That’s the frustrating question that can’t be answered. I can give a very easy solution: go out and build a community for yourself. But that requires so much time, energy, and motivation; it is neither realistic nor fair to expect everyone to be capable of solving their woes like that. Instead, I think the only thing we can do is work on ourselves in small ways. First being to not fear expression. Say what’s on your mind. Don’t even think about fitting in or belonging — be yourself, and if that doesn’t get you into a group, then that isn’t your group. The least anyone can do is to find things you enjoy doing on your own, then invite whomever to join you. In my experience, a good 99% of invitations will be met with either a no, or a yes followed by a no-show.

You must learn to not be disappointed. Expect nothing. Initiate interactions with trust, but be aware people will hurt or disappoint you. Don’t expect anything, but don’t be pessimistic. Then, you will only be pleasantly surprised. Don’t judge anyone. Always forgive. Don’t hold grudges, don’t become bitter. Keep an open mind and try things out. Never blame yourself for anything — I think that devastates confidence. And each day, take just one small step in whichever direction you want to end up. Motivation will come eventually. The hardest part of this process is finding faith. Ups and downs are a part of the process, but everything always works out.

The irony is that I’m an unemployed writer/artist who’s in the negative on equipment, materials, book printing, and website expenses and has never sold a single piece of art. I’ve also been rejected from everything I’ve ever applied to. But I call myself a writer, and I call myself an artist. I write, and I make art. I define who I am. My groups failed, but at least I created them and ran them. My events died, but at least I found the sponsors and hosted them. It’s all a matter of perspective. I can look at myself and call myself a failure, or I can take pride in the fact that I try and never give up. What it looks like will be different for everyone, but the answers to all the eternal questions can be found in simply trying.