Twenty Seven and the Right to Enjoyment

I keep trying to write something, then feel like I’m not expressing myself well and delete it. I saw a dance performance yesterday, Flóðreka, which was beautiful. Jónsi, the mastermind, had an immersive exhibit in Hafnarús last year which I visited twice. I missed it ever since, and this performance was his continuation. Seeing it was captivating and inspiring. It makes me want to create, but I can’t. I can’t write or take pictures or edit the pictures I already took or do anything creative at all, and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the stress of everything else that’s been going on in my life. I think it’s rather the lack of space I’ve had recently. I organized an amazing festival this past weekend which was immensely time-consuming and stressful (but went perfectly). I’ll write about that another time. For now, my thoughts are on the fact that I just turned twenty seven, and I want things to move in some way.

Still no luck on the job market. On the bright side, I got a friend a job through the festival. Still no photos sold in spite of all my investments into photography. At least my books are selling reasonably well at our market in Kolaportið. Meanwhile, I may have the opportunity to trade my apartment for a bigger one so my girlfriend and I can have proper space for ourselves and our new endeavors (meaning an office room for me, maybe some kind of studio, a dance space, etc.). Right now, the loft apartment is cramped. It isn’t “too small,” but it got me thinking about so many things:

First, how is it possible that I own an apartment yet still need to worry about money? Forget vacations and clothes. I haven’t bought any clothing items in as long as I can remember other than two coats last year. Instead, half of my low income goes to food. The rest goes to bills and usually one purchase per month (like a bracelet or the printer). I think this speaks to society at large and the ridiculous inflation of prices while salaries are unchanged. Not to mention my personal frustration of being unemployed. I can add festival organization to my CV now. Doesn’t help. At least I got my friend a job through that.

Second is the right to enjoyment. After Flóðreka, my girlfriend and I were so inspired, we began coming up with ideas for what we want to do creatively moving forward. The idea we are both extremely passionate about involves performative music. More specifically, me playing music. I’ve never played an instrument before other than percussion when I was a teenager for two or three years. I could never read notes despite how hard I always tried. A good friend of mine, thankfully, offered to help teach me about music. The only problem is I don’t have any instruments which triggered a deep-dive into the world of music…

I found something incredibly rich and beautiful, but also very expensive. I invested my money into photography. I enjoy photography, so I found that to be a very fair and valid investment. Now that I’m so fascinated by music, I really want to buy some of these interesting devices, but they are not cheap. Do we not have the right to enjoyment? What I mean by that is posing the question: Why should hobbies ever be out of reach? I firmly believe that we should all have the fair opportunity to pursue a hobby and enjoy it. We should be able to participate (afford a camera, an instrument, a computer, etc.) and have the time to learn/enjoy (without worrying about things like work hours and “wasting” time — without stress).

I’ll stop myself from going on yet another finance-related tangent and leave it at that. This time, I’m frustrated because I’m so inspired to do something, but money is a barrier. That’s compounded by my inability to get a job which is, in turn, compounded by my bountiful responsibilities which seem not to help at all.

All that said, I still feel incredibly good about the future. Society frustrates me, yes: things are bad. Individually, things are great for me. I have the chance to rest for a while, and rest I shall. All my duties and responsibilities are mostly finished for the year. If all goes well, I’ll get some kind of keyboard soon so I can at least learn how to play something. I’m very fortunate to have the people around me that I do. Ever since joining this giant artist collective, life has been amazing. I didn’t know it was possible to have a community like this. It requires active participation — and most people do not participate, but those who do are incredible people.

As long as I’m rambling, I’ll add that I met someone I wrote about some time back. Apparently someone sent her my blog about her (which was written anonymously, as always, so someone knew both me and her). She shared her perspective on the situation which made me realize that I was perhaps judging everyone too harshly. Not that I said anything bad, rather I interpreted things differently from reality. I wish I could go back in time to my old workplace and do everything differently. I let the terrible conditions turn me bitter before I acted. What I should have done was tell everyone what was wrong as I experienced it. If they didn’t listen even then, then I should have taken more drastic measures. Ultimately, I don’t think I did anything wrong. We were treated poorly, so what was anyone to do? I didn’t want to quit like all my friends did — I’m stubborn.

Anyway, I’m going to enjoy my holidays in peace and quiet. I truly feel great about the future. It’s one of those “in my bones” feelings that everything will be perfect even if the current moment could be better. Next year will be something new, interesting, and beautiful — at my new age of twenty seven. My final word will be that I still have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just trying to enjoy living rather than getting caught up in a rat race.